Episode 28: Beef Tips
Starring: Constance
~A Contented, Collegiate Cow of Northfield~
Beef Tips
Aided and Abetted by a semi-fictional character named James Dime
Simply Fodder For Your Next Cocktail Party
by Sherri Faye (c) 2010
Advice columns have always intrigued me, and I have toyed with writing one. So, why not have Constance do it? I am particularly fond of brutally honest, witty, and direct ones. A good advice column is a bit like therapy, a best friend, a stand-up comic, the Oprah show, and common sense combined. City Pages boasts a couple of them, including “Savage Love” - that knocks intimacy advice out of the ballpark. While the hilarious guidance in the Onion’s purely satirical “Ask...” column features ever-changing titles. Ranging from “Ask A Former Touring Drummer For The Pointer Sisters” to “Ask A Conspiracy Theorist”, humor abounds. I love that the credentials for every one of the fictional columnists are exactly the same. Dear Abby and her sister, Ann Landers, paved the way for readers around the globe to publicly confess their troubles and accept the advice of a complete stranger. Comparatively dry, when held up against today’s no-holds-barred columns, they still stand as solid evidence of the human need to bare our souls while hoping a magic pill will solve our problems in the form of good advice. Throw in the humor and honesty of Erma Bombeck, and helpful Hints from Heloise mixed with a bit of Miss Manners’ direction, and the grass was truly “greener over the septic tank” of the world because of them. Now let’s see what Constance can do from Left Field, shall we?
For advice send an e-mail to: beeftips.leftfield@gmail.com
Or post it on this blog.
Caution: Take advice at your own risk. May cause laughing. Right to use artist’s license and writer’s whim reserved.
Advice columns have always intrigued me, and I have toyed with writing one. So, why not have Constance do it? I am particularly fond of brutally honest, witty, and direct ones. A good advice column is a bit like therapy, a best friend, a stand-up comic, the Oprah show, and common sense combined. City Pages boasts a couple of them, including “Savage Love” - that knocks intimacy advice out of the ballpark. While the hilarious guidance in the Onion’s purely satirical “Ask...” column features ever-changing titles. Ranging from “Ask A Former Touring Drummer For The Pointer Sisters” to “Ask A Conspiracy Theorist”, humor abounds. I love that the credentials for every one of the fictional columnists are exactly the same. Dear Abby and her sister, Ann Landers, paved the way for readers around the globe to publicly confess their troubles and accept the advice of a complete stranger. Comparatively dry, when held up against today’s no-holds-barred columns, they still stand as solid evidence of the human need to bare our souls while hoping a magic pill will solve our problems in the form of good advice. Throw in the humor and honesty of Erma Bombeck, and helpful Hints from Heloise mixed with a bit of Miss Manners’ direction, and the grass was truly “greener over the septic tank” of the world because of them. Now let’s see what Constance can do from Left Field, shall we?
For advice send an e-mail to: beeftips.leftfield@gmail.com
Or post it on this blog.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A $15 Gift Certificate Could Be Yours
~ for a local Northfield area merchant, store, restaurant, or watering hole ~
Got a burning question that needs a little bovine wisdom, cow comedy (or maybe just some cranberry juice)? Send it to this blog or to one of my email addresses listed below. If your question is featured in a Left Field/Beef Tips comic strip you will receive an “Aided and Abetted by” credit (can use an alias if requested) and a $15 gift certificate the week of publication. Ideas and contributions for future general Left Field comics also qualify.~ for a local Northfield area merchant, store, restaurant, or watering hole ~
Caution: Take advice at your own risk. May cause laughing. Right to use artist’s license and writer’s whim reserved.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(c) 2010 Sherri Faye All Rights Reserved.
Buy cool cow crap, cow gifts, cow junk, cow stuff!
Get cow gifts for the cow fans in your life, click below!
Get cow gifts for the cow fans in your life, click below!
View the published version of Left Field in the Northfield Entertainment Guide magazine. Check out all the events going on in greater Northfield - you might be pleasantly surprised!
Contact Constance (or Conrad) for advice:
Visit some of my other online stores and blogs:
Contact me directly at:
