Got Flight?

 

Got Flight?

Episode 9 of Left Field

Published Dec. 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

STRANGE (and sometimes airborne) BUT TRUE FACTOIDS

Or, Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party

By Sherri Faye ©2008

Can Reindeer Fly? Once again, I would like to know who really came up with that one, and were they under the influence of the same suspicious substance as those nursery rhyme writers? If reindeer could fly we could have huge events around that phenomenon… in addition to the antics surrounding “Cowlympics” or “Cowflying”. Here we would be placing bets and chillin’ at Santabury Downs. Can you picture it? Again, it would be bigger than horse racing. And it would certainly be great competition for the “Cowlympics”. We’d all be sitting around sipping ReinBeer, placing bets on the tiny little hooven critters with names like “Antlerticipation” and “Deer Santa”, observing the soaring flight of said deer through those same special binocular-like opera glasses. But, I digress…

Would Cows be Jealous of Flying Reindeer? Perhaps. It certainly could launch a competition never before seen by us humans – quite possibly far worse than the mudslinging in contentious political elections! The cows would even be vying for jobs at the North Pole. They could really lay it on thick, enticing Santa with fresh milk to wash down all those darn cookies… taking the ad campaign “Got Milk?” to greater heights than the originators of that concept ever imagined. Cowlympics and Christmas Gift Delivery with complimentary milk.  The “Wally the Beer Man’s” of the world could be shouting “Get Yer Milk Here!” Heck, you can’t even get free milk in this day and age on a modern airline flight!

What then, would the poor little reindeer have as their edge? I suppose it would be their size, and known history for taking flight. After all, they have been known to fly in front of the moon on greeting card images. And there is that fluke, Rudolph, with the glowing nose  (which could be an indicator of massive amounts of alcohol consumption). The tiny reindeer could start a fear-based campaign in retaliation. Homeowners insurance company’s across the land backing ads that show slogans of “It all started with Cowlympics…) - simulated scenes of cows crashing through roofs, destroying property, taking Santa’s gift-laden sleigh down with them.  Here, the reindeer campaign could take full advantage of the old adage “Size Does Matter”… And of course they would address “Mad Cow Disease” like there’s no tomorrow. Then it could get really ugly, the ensuing backlash from the Cowlympic Camp would be all about “Chronic Wasting Disease” depicting emaciated reindeer attempting to fly in races in the sky... people standing around with their empty pockets sticking out of their trousers, losing money on investments and bets. Then those same feeble reindeer would be depicted as unable to get that red sled of the ground on Christmas Eve! Oh the insanity!  But, again, I digress… must wake up from nightmare….

Back to reality! I really need to try harder to stay on topic… but  what fun would that be? I ask you. If want to go see some reindeer and speculate on their ability to fly, join those two lovable hoofers from Left Field at WINTER WALK on Dec. 6^th, from 6-9 p.m. for fun, festivities and fabulous discounts at participating stores and merchants in Downtown Northfield! Moo-moo-moo! Happy Cowlidays!

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

Life Is A MasCOWrade

Life Is A MasCOWrade

Episode 8 of Left Field

Published Nov. 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

STRANGE (and often masked) BUT TRUE FACTOIDS

Or, Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party

By Sherri Faye ©2008

Can Cows Jump Over the Moon? I would like to know who really came up with that one, and were they under the influence of a suspicious substance at the time? If cows could jump over the moon, we could have huge events around the phenomenon… “Cowlympics” or “Cowflying” for example. I can see it now; it would be bigger than horse racing. We’d all be sitting around sipping Cowtini’s, placing bets on the cows that sound like a winner, like “Got Hoof?” and “Udder Flight”, and observing the soaring leaps of said cows through special binocular-like opera glasses. But, I digress…

Do Cows Attend Masquerade Parties: I personally have not seen it. Though, I have seen plenty of people in those goofy cow costumes. You know, the ones with the big plasticky udders hanging from the belly? I don’t know why, but I laugh every time I see one of those. There is just something perpetually ridiculous about it.

Do Cows Like it When We Dress Up Like Cows? Heck if I know, but I would imagine they would take it as a compliment. Unless, of course, we dressed up as side of beef or a crown roast or something. Hey, I wonder if it’s Hindu-kosher to dress up like a cow? Probably not. Especially if the costume is, again, a side of beef or a crown roast or something. Not that I have ever seen anyone in a beef-based costume such as that. The closest I have seen is someone dressed up like a hot dog or a ‘bloody butcher’…  I suspect that neither of those would ‘meat’ with a cow’s approval either. I know, I know, again with the digression…

All this talk about costumes leads me to invite you to join Constance and Conrad in supporting the Northfield Historical Society at their Annual Auction Gala, the MASQUERADE, on Saturday, November 8^th at 6:30 pm, at the Northfield Golf Club. Join in the fun and festivities, and let’s see how many cow masks show up!

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

Bell View

Bell View

Episode 7 of Left Field

Published Oct. 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

STRANGE (and often clanking) BUT TRUE FACTOIDS

Or, Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party
By Sherri Faye ©2008


Do Cows Like Cowbells? I don’t know… can you imagine actually liking a huge clanking bell hanging around your neck? Alerting everyone for miles around of your every move? Yikes! Or should I say, Moo! On the other hand (or should I say, hoof), perhaps some bovine find it comforting, if for no other reason than familiarity.
Moreover, Do Cows Like Music? I once read that some dairy farmers piped in relaxing soft and classical music to their dairy farms ‘milking rooms’. Thereby creating an environment where-in the subjects of this experiment allegedly produced more milk. Is this true? Again, I don’t know, but it could be. Why, just this past summer, as I spent some time with a friend in the Chicago area, I spent an evening listening to the overtures of Beethoven’s 5th in an outdoor park setting in Lake Forest at what is known as “Ravinia”. While looking at the stars and absorbing the strains of beautiful music coming from the orchestra pit, I found myself drifting into a very peaceful relaxation. I must partially credit the sense of suspended animation to having imbibed in a delightful libation: that of a particularly smooth glass of pinot noir. Though I did not find myself spontaneously lactating, I did notice a definite soothing and rhythmic effect on myself and all sentient beings in the area. The music, the surrounding life forms of people, pets and creatures present, including the crickets, seemed to become one. Classical music is most definitely something to be experienced. And that particular experience leads me to believe that, yes, cows likely do enjoy music… at least some kinds of music.
In fact, I would imagine that Constance, and Conrad as well, would have taste in music that spans genre and time. I bet she loves all kinds of music! From yesterday’s Elvis and the Beatles, to today’s Coldplay and Augustana. I imagine she even has a soft spot for the 70’s music of Grand Funk Railroad and their penchant for using the cowbell in some of their biggest hits! But, I digress.
I invite you to join Constance and Conrad in supporting the rich local music scene in Northfield. Attend local concert and entertainment venues and check out local bands! And be sure to plan for an enchanting evening of music with the Cannon Valley Regional Orchestra 2008-2009 season. Hey, maybe the CVRO will exercise the use of a certain piece of farm gear? Heh-heh.. and I don’t mean the triangle… now, there’s another story… Again, I digress.
Confession: To a certain extent, this is a thinly disguised homage to actor Christopher Walken, who immortalized the cry in the famed episode of SNL (Saturday Night Live) wherein an entire band and it’s drama was built around the cantankerous percussion ‘instrument’… “More Cowbell!”

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

Moove Over Jesse There's a New Kid in Town

 

Moove Over Jesse

There's A New Kid In Town

Episode 6 of Left Field

Published September 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

Of Note: Every September the town of Northfield has a weekend blast called "The Defeat of Jesse James Days" which includes a re-enactment of the shoot out. The bullet holes can still be seen in the brick walls (they are circled so you can spot them).

STRANGE (and often rambling) BUT TRUE FACTOIDS

Or Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party

By Sherri Faye ©2008

Can cows paint? Should cows paint?  Perhaps. I do seem to recall that several years ago there was a bizarre surge of popularity in paintings done by elephants. These unsuspecting creatures were given the opportunity to become artists when some rather crafty humans placed a brush in the apprehensal trunks of selected elephants. These same humans then strategically placed paints and paper near said trunks. As elephants do, they swung their brush and paint laden trunks to and fro… and viola! We have art! Then these same genius opportunistic homosapiens proceeded to sell these pachyderm paintings for a princely sum. Art? Maybe. Clever? Indeed.

I have a real clever idea: I can see it now! It will be the most successful booth at next year’s Jesse James Days! And, while it may seemingly make little sense, it could perhaps bring in a substantial amount of cents, if done correctly and marketed wisely.  Since cows are more easily accessible to humans than are elephants. And since I create a cartoon strip starring a couple of cows (technically a cow and a bull, but, as usual, I digress…) I envision cow art! That’s right, the concept is quite simple really.  By placing paint brushes on the end of a cow’s tail, and, making sure that the back end of the completely unawares bovine be very near conveniently located paints and canvas, you too can cash in on cow talent. Key to the success of this project, flies are a must. Simply let loose some flies to bother the cows and presto! Cows will indeed become accidental artists while trying to swat the pesky pests buzzing around their bovinian behinds. All the while, the cows are unwittingly slapping stabs and swashes of color across the canvas, and again… viola! We have a cash-cow! Clearly there are a few minor details to concern yourself with, should you endeavor to make this your life’s work. Beginning with the fact that cow tails are not apprehensal, and ‘ending’ with the fact that this art is produced at the business end of the subjected cows. A probable solution could involve employing the use of duct tape… (Speaking of duct tape… I have seen some amazing art made with duct tape… that could be a whole other booth at Jesse James Days! Who knew?)

Can cows commit crimes and make a career out of graffiti? I think not. Basically, unwanted graffiti is not a desirous form of behavior. It would behoove both cows and persons to choose responsibly when wielding a paint brush. Constance hereby retires her paint brush, never to be used again to commit a crime. Leave the glorified nefarious reputations to crimes and criminals of the past.

See you at The Defeat of Jesse James Days (heretofore aka Cowffiti Constance Crime Spree Days).

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

American Cowffiti or The Accidental Artist

American Cowffiti or The Accidental Artist

Episode 5 of Left Field

Published August 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

Of Note: ArtSwirl is an annual summer art event in Northfield.

STRANGE (and often rambling) BUT TRUE FACTOIDS

or, Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party

by Sherri Faye ©2008

FACTOID: What is Art? The definition of what constitutes art is subjective at best. As an artist and a writer I have a deep appreciation for the vast array of styles, medium, skill level and creative effort I come across. I took a class at the U a couple of years ago entitled “Why Art Matters”. It was a great class taught by Prof. Frederick M. Asher, and worth every cent of tuition and fees. During the course of this course there was occasional, and often engaging discourse, as we were presented with any number of images and asked to entertain whether or not we considered them to be art, and why. These images ranged from ornate carvings on Buddhist stupas and Renaissance paintings to beer advertisements and photos of living rabbits that appeared to have been genetically altered in order to have phosphorescent yellow fur (I’m not kidding). Ultimately the lessons culminated in the anthropological and historical understanding of just exactly why art does matter. In my estimation and experience as both artist and collector, the definition of art lies somewhere between the artist’s intent and inspiration and the beholders appreciation based on degree of impact, understanding and interpretation of the piece. I embrace the work of all who dare to create. ArtSwirl offers a vast array of art to be viewed, experienced, appreciated, discussed and reacted to… it is the perfect opportunity to stretch your view of art and ask yourself why you like something… or not, and are you willing to call it art even if it’s not something you would hang over your mantle or have poking out of your garden? Grab the gray area that lies between intent and reaction, and reach into yourself to see what comes out! You just may find more than you are looking for at ArtSwirl! And, who knows, you just might break the rules and hang brave new art above, say the stove instead of the couch, or utilize a garden sculpture as a hood ornament? Who knows?!

As an aside: Can cows paint? Perhaps. I do seem to recall that several years ago there was a bizarre surge of popularity in paintings done by elephants. These unsuspecting creatures were given the opportunity to become artists when some rather crafty humans placed a brush in the apprehensal trunks of selected elephants. These same humans then strategically placed paints and paper near said trunks. As elephants do, they swung their brush and paint laden trunks to and fro… and viola! We have art! Then these same genius opportunistic homosapiens proceeded to sell these pachyderm paintings for a princely sum. Art? Maybe. Clever? Indeed.

I have an idea: And, while it may seemingly make little sense, it could perhaps bring in a substantial amount of cents, if done correctly and marketed wisely.  Since cows are more easily accessible to humans than are elephants. And since I create a cartoon strip starring a couple of cows (technically a cow and a bull, but, as usual, I digress…) I envision cow art! That’s right, the concept is quite simple really.  By placing paint brushes on the end of a cow’s tail, and, making sure that the back end of the completely unawares bovine be very near conveniently located paints and canvas, you too can cash in on cow talent. Key to the success of this project, flies are a must. Simply let loose some flies to bother the cows and presto! Cows will indeed become accidental artists while trying to swat the pesky pests buzzing around their bovinian behinds. All the while, the cows are unwittingly slapping stabs and swashes of color across the canvas, and again… viola! We have art! Clearly there are a few minor details to concern yourself with, should you endeavor to make this your life’s work. Beginning with the fact that cow tails are not apprehensal, and ‘ending’ with the fact that this art is produced at the business end of the subjected cows. A probable solution could involve employing the use of duct tape… (Speaking of duct tape… I have seen some amazing art made with duct tape… who knew?)

Perhaps I will see you at ArtSwirl. And if you are driving off with a 3 foot stack of metal cubes as a hood ornament, I will know we either have great minds that think alike, or you read my column!

moolah* will be expounded upon in a future episode of Left Field

 

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

Dial M for Moo or The Writing Is On The Mall

 

Dial M for Moo or The Writing Is On The Mall

Episode 4 of Left Field

Published July 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

Of Note: There is a really cool gift shop in downtown Northfield called Oolala.

Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party

By Sherri Faye © 2008

FACTOID: I have heard dozens of people asking each other “Have you gotten your check from the president yet?” That just cracks me up. As if he sat down with his blue plastic covered checkbook and personally wrote us each a check, tucked it in a card with a little note that says: “Just a little moolah* from me to you! Treat yourself to something special, if you can afford the gas to get there. Ha-ha! Just Kidding! Your President, Geo. Bush.” Can you imagine? But, I digress. If you are still trying to decide how to spend your ‘check from the president’ Crazy Daze is a great opportunity to take advantage of discounts and to boost the local economy. Shop local! Buy art and goods and tasty treats, get cards and gifts for friends and loved ones.

Note: Cows are not actually capable of demonstrating a shopping addiction, but people  are. Some of them shop so much they actually develop a disorder called “hoarding”. Such persons can be seen on reality t.v. shows such as “Clean House”. Come to think of it, hoarding seems to be a word that is combined from the word herding (such as herding cattle) and the word boarding (such as boarding house). That makes sense to me. Gathering, herding and providing room and board for accumulated goods.

I once asked myself, “Self, do you have the ‘hoarder disorder?” After all, people who know me have commented that I “save everything”. And they are right. I keep bread twist-ties. I simply cannot throw them out. I have jars of buttons. I can’t throw them out either. I re-use bread bags, and I will mend clothing, including socks and underwear. I have a pair of shorts from the 70’s that I can’t throw away. I saved all of my children’s baby teeth. I still don’t know what I will do with them. They are in tiny velveteen pouches tucked inside a small plastic treasure chest that once housed some hard candy I had received as a gift. I couldn’t throw away the treasure chest either. It seemed like it would be bad ju-ju, besides I was certain I would find a use for it. Anyhow, I had thought about making a necklace out of those baby teeth, kind of like freshwater pearls or something. My kids are in their 20’s now, and my oldest is much closer to 30 than she is to 20. It would just be weird now… Again, I digress. The thing is, in my defense, I do, for the most part, thoroughly utilize the items I acquire until they are exhausted of all known or created purpose and potential. It’s true, I like to find a great deal and make good use of the deals I find. I enjoy shopping, I like getting new things, and then using them until they can’t be used no more! I drive my cars for years, until the doors fall off. I think I am being thrifty and resourceful. I use and reuse items for fun and function. I once made cool keepsake containers out of old cigar boxes with buttons glued to them (sounds weird, but they looked cool… and it’s an attractive way to store 49 years worth of bread twist-ties). And that’s good for the environment. Nope, I am not herding and boarding goods. I am not a hoarder. Besides, I keep my things in tidy order. Aren’t hoarders disorderly boarders? I bet I can get a good deal on some buttons during Crazy Daze. And that’s good for the economy.

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

Tongue in Cheek

Tongue in Cheek

Episode 3 of Left Field

Published June 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

STRANGE (and often grotesque) BUT TRUE FACTOIDS

Or Simply Fodder for Your Next Cocktail Party

By Sherri Faye ©2008

FACTOID: Cows are ‘ruminants’. Most ruminants, including the cow, have four stomachs, although camels and some other ruminants have three. The first stomach chamber is called the rumen. This is the chamber where large amounts of food are stored and softened. After the food is processed and softened in the rumen, it is regurgitated as the ‘cud’ and is chewed again. The chewed cud then goes directly to the other chambers of the stomach in this order; the reticulum, omasum, and abomasum, where additional digestion occurs.

Sidebar: An alternate name for the Rube might be “J. Grundy’s Rumen Stein” - come in to think and drink, chew the cud and have a Bud!  But, I digress…

Note: The word ruminate stems from the cows digestion process. Makes you think thrice or more, doesn’t it? So much to digest, so little time.

OTHER FACTOID: Cow tongue can indeed be found on delicatessen menus. I once sat next to a man who ordered a turkey-tongue sandwich. In my mind’s eye I pictured dozens of tiny little turkey tongues stuffed between two slabs of bread! Yuck! I felt like regurgitating! After ruminating briefly, I quickly recognized my faux pas and realized that he had ordered a sandwich composed of turkey meat and cow tongue (which, by the way, are ginormous). Still really gross, if you ask me, but true.

(c)2008 Sherri Faye All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

Girls Nite Out or Nothing to Hide

 

Girls Nite Out or Nothing to Hide

Episode 2 of Left Field

Published May 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

For more fun than you can shake a branding iron at, Constance goes out on the town to partake in Northfield's annual Girls Nite Out. Originally planned as an event to boost the local economy along with giving the gals somethin' ta do while the fella's are fisihing on opening weekend (which typically coincides with Mother's Day), the event has evolved from an old-fashioned and seemingly sexist idea to a full blown blast that guys can enjoy as well. Still, it's called girls nite out and there is a focus on hand bags at the Grand. Where you can bid on the bag of your choice, and one lucky winner gets a thousand bucks cash in one of those purses. This particular year, Constance was not the cash cow... maybe next time.

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com

When the Cows Come Home

When the Cows Come Home
Episode 1 of Left Field
Published April 1, 2008 in the Northfield Entertainment Guide

Here is the very first episode of Left Field.
For those of you who have never ventured to Northfield, Minnesota, the Contented Cow Pub does exist! It's a great place to hang out, enjoy snacks, drinks and music! Located on the main drag of Division Street in the heart of downtown Northfield. Naturally it was the perfect place for Constance and Conrad to alight upon their arrival in town.

(c) 2008 Sherri Faye  All Rights Reserved.

Buy cool cow crap! Cow gifts for cow fans!

http://www.cafepress.com/leftfieldcomic

http://www.northfieldguide.com

http://www.heysallyfry.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/heysallyfry

http://www.palincrapola.blogspot.com/ 

http://www.cafepress.com/palincrapola 

sherri.faye@yahoo.com

sherrifaye.genius@gmail.com